For abandoning my project. I lost myself for a while. But I think I’m back.
Not physically tired, but emotionally tired. I decided to check the misogynoir tag on tumblr. Not a bad idea, but I was already feeling like I lacked confidence, and with the misogynoir… I’m just.
I’m not too sure.
I hate people because as a population, we are stupid.
Honestly, hot is hot no matter race. Attractiveness literally does not judge. Beauty is beauty. It is the eye of the beholder who judges.
But it sucks. Because I believe I’m pretty, but whenever a guy looks disgusted at me, it feels like a punch to the stomach because:
Am I not pretty?
Is it because I’m black?
Am I too big?
Most of the time, I flip my hair, shake my thing, and make him wish he took back his look.
But sometimes… When it is somebody I want, somebody I like… It hurts and I lose myself.
Sometimes. I hate myself for thinking this way. But most of the time, I hate everybody else for making me and making others think that way too.
I wish I could post a picture of them, but if he ever come across this blog, he might think I’m weirder than I actually am.
There’s something about them that make me smile, too.
His eyes show innocence, his smile conveys genuineness, but his voice holds wisdom and knowledge past his years.
He’s either hiding a deep secret that will make me hunger for him, or he is as sweet and innocence as he seems.
I want to know more; I’m dying to know more.
Because part of me knows that I am pretty without makeup, but then there’s a tiny part of me that likes to bring me down.
"You’re not pretty enough," she keeps on telling me.
And I put on the makeup.
"There you go," she winks.
And it is killing me. Because I forgot what it feels like to be confident in my own skin. Now my “skin” that I feel comfy in, is one with makeup.
Today was so…